Wow... the last time I wrote here was in September 2008... haha oh well. I know no one I know goes on Xanga anymore, but that's okay. Sometimes I still like logging on and seeing what has changed... Right before I started typing this entry, I had a hard time finding where you write your blogs... I didn't realize it was that long and that I've had this Xanga for more than 4 years and that I probably didn't change anything with the layout for at least a year. It's okay though... I'm sure you appreciate Big Bang flashing their abs to you.
I really wanted to write here for awhile, but I guess I've been too drowned in my own thoughts to even think of anything to write. If I were to ever describe my mind, it would just be a huge scribble a kindergardener drew out of boredom. It's just hard to transfer my thoughts to any form of writing... don't know why though.
You can probably guess why I'm blogging at all... yup, I'm procrastinating on a paper due in about 7 hours. I know many people would be like "OMG CRAP!!!!" but eh, I take it as it goes. I guess I just need to write somewhere else other than my acutal paper so that my mind is a bit more clear.
I guess it's just life getting to me. Up until maybe last year, I lived in a bubble without a care in the world. I know that in some ways, I know it seems as if I don't give a shit at all, but it's not true. I really try to hide whatever weaknesses I have because I would hate it if it was used against me =( I guess getting on probation really got to me last year when I knew that I better freaking shape up. I just feel so much more serious than I did in high school... I don't think it's the college atmosphere either since I try not to be at UIC a lot. It doesn't help that my head just hurts a lot these days too... that can't be good for me.
Okay, I know I should work on my paper. Time's running low =(
It's about time that I update this thing, which obviously, I don't do as often... the last time I actually wrote anything was in January... wow. I've been well and hopefully you have been as well... even though I really have no idea who reads this anymore... It's okay though since for me, it's time for another thought release... hehe...
So I haven't written anything here since like... my birthday. Since then, stuff has been pretty good... I changed majors (even though not officially yet...) and I must admit, it's relieving. I don't feel that studying is that much of a chore anymore because I'm actually interested in what I was learning about. Even though I didn't get the grades that I really wanted last semester, it just means that there is always room for me to improve. The grades that I got are encouraging me to improve myself, not bring myself down. I know I can do better.
I didn't tell my parents about my switch until around the end of last spring... I didn't mean to keep them in the dark about it because I was afraid of the reaction they would have when I would tell them that I changed my mind about pharmacy and decided to become a teacher. Surprisingly enough, they were really receptive to it. I'm happy to have parents that are encouraging me to strive for something that I want to be and not for their prize daughter that they imagined in their minds when I was born.
Also about last semester... I felt that I lost something... a really close friend of mine. For a while, I thought that we were inseparable, but now that's not the case. I don't even feel that we're friends anymore... more like long time acquaintances. Anyway, I won't dwell on that too long because it makes me sad.
On a happier note, I found my first two jobs at the end of the spring semester, the one at a learning center and the tourist location job. Before that, I was just doing volunteer stuff to keep myself a bit busy... trust me, it always felt like I had a lot of time on my hands. However, during the summer, because of these two jobs, I felt like I had no time to myself. Sure, my shifts were always around the same time every week, but I was at work every day. Having both of those jobs at the same time made me happy that I was making some use of my summer, but it made me sad because I couldn't just chill like everyone else. Any given time that I would hang out with people, I would have come straight from work in my uniform and most likely feeling a bit cranky. I was happy making money though... even though that does sound a bit greedy...
My greed may have led me towards money, but I have to say that I truly enjoy my job as an instructor's assistant at the learning center that I work at. The money didn't really matter to me, but I'll admit, it's a nice touch. The grading papers part is easy, but what I find the most valuable was the fact that I can help kids who are struggling with their work and feel good about it. Even though I am being paid to help them out, it's something I enjoy doing. Educated children is the gateway to our future, yes?
However, my feelings towards the tourist location job are much different. I don't think I have ever been so bitter towards anyone in my whole life... oh those tourists. For me, tourists are evil people. I know it sounds juvenile, but if you work that job, you'd understand where I'm coming from. To summarize it, they're a bunch of rude people who expect you to do whatever they say in a polite manner even if they treat you like crap. The job itself isn't bad, it's just the baggage that comes with it. It came to the point that recently, I told them that I have to quit for a bit because of school. I literally spent my whole weekend at work and couldn't get any work done for school because I was exhausted. It's also because I have been in conflict with the company's interests... but I won't get into that either. The decision to quit for the time being is probably better for me anyway because I don't want to have to force myself to stay up and study for who knows how long because I'm letting my greed get in the way of my education. It isn't going to happen.
The bright side of that job is that along the way, I have met a lot of great people who I can call my friends. I was actually talking to one of them yesterday because I wanted to tell someone that I wanted out, but didn't know how. I also became accustomed to talking to people that I have never met before, mainly because the job requires it. Before, I don't think I could ever do that because I generally have a shy nature... if you've ever met me, then you'd know.
Right now, all I really want to do is have a bit of fun while I'm studying... I wasn't able to do that when I was at work all the freaking time. I just don't want extra stress to be added onto me. I want to be happy this semester... can I do it? I hope so!
Baby please hold me tight, I can never feel that you were here, Can you stay just one more night? If you see my face and all my tears,
When will you stop? Making me drop, Baby I don't understand why you play that game, You lose my trust, saw that I must, Take my love away from you as I told I'd do,
* Just let me leave you, I'd never need you, Don't wanna hold you, I can never make it through, See inside of me, You cannot find anything for you and little more Don't try to be around, You gonna break down, I never hold out, so that you can buy me out, It's all my fault that I told my mind, and give you all my love
Baby please hold me tight, I can never feel that you were here, Can you stay just one more night? If you see my face and all my tears,
When will you stop? Making me drop, Baby I don't understand why you play that game, You lose my trust, saw that I must, Take my love away from you as I told I'd do
You'd know I didn't show, What is really inside of me baby, Now I know you never be true just to yourself Leave away tonight, I can be just alright
Wow. I haven't officially written here since August and even with that, I just posted my favorite music video at that time. I guess I don't write things with substance anymore here because... no one looks at this. I've had this blog for over a thousand days... according to Xanga anyway. Still, sometimes it's nice to come here and talk for a bit.
I just looked at some of my old entries in the past year. It's all just random comments or recaps of all the time I've spent OFF this site. It's funny to me because I remember in high school, all of us used to spend ALL of our time here. If we weren't blogging, we were commenting. If we weren't commenting, we were just reading. It's too bad that not a lot of people that I know now don't do this. All of our time is now spent on Facebook (Well, probably your time. I don't go on Facebook as much as I used to.) . It's a great networking site and all, but it doesn't have that homey feel that Xanga has. I can't make the blogs that I used to make there. Remember I used to upload tons of pictures on Photobucket and then post them all here with my random comments? Mostly all of them are on Facebook now. It was fun sorting through those pictures... only because to us, they seem so long ago.
I turned 20 less than 3 weeks ago. I probably had the most fun that night that we had my birthday party in a long time. We went to one of those karaoke lounges along Lincoln Avenue, not too far away from Northside. For some reason, I felt like I was in high school again. I was with everyone (or at least everyone who could make it) that I was friends with in high school. I guess that brought out the hyperness (is this even a word?) in me. I wanted to at least spend some time with the ones who were leaving the next day to go back to their colleges =/ Hopefully they all had a good time though.
Until that day, I have never sang in public... or at least in front of anyone besides my family. I'm still embarrassed when I sing in front of my family though since all I know are songs in Korean. For me, it's still a bit embarrassing singing in front of my friends, but I'm more comfortable with them. The thing that really hit me was that poem though... I'm sure everyone could tell that I didn't even want to go up there to have it read to me. It was really sweet though.
Hmm... school. Ah~~~ I'm just glad that I'm off that pre-pharm track now. I got off of it not only because it's really hard, but because my heart wasn't into it. I'm sure that if I really wanted to learn about pharmacy, I would have continued those courses, no matter how hard they were even if I had to repeat them. However, it's been destroying my overall GPA, which I'm not too happy about. I'm just happy that I'm taking classes that I enjoy now.
I'm sure most people were surprised to hear that I may become a history teacher.... woo~! I know it's a total change from wanting to be a pharmacist, but I think I'll enjoy this profession more. It's also giving me an opportunity to study cultures again, which is what I've wanted to do for so long, but never got the chance. I'll talk more about that when I have a chance~.
I'm glad that I got to spend some time with my oh so neglected Xanga for a bit. Maybe I'll spend more time with it the next chance I get. Bye~
Big Bang is so hot~~~ sorry but I can't help myself from posting this video like... EVERYWHERE. I was so impressed by the video... <3 (I've been listening to this song for the past 2 days as well... @_@)
Hmm.... I'm trying out Cyworld for now. I like making a mini me and being able to customize a bunch of stuff <3 hehe....
